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Harping Holidays! (Guest Blog)

(Once again we are featuring a guest blogger. This time my accountant, George "The Finger" Pulowski would like to add his two cents on the holiday season. May your days be merry and your bells be jingled.)

Hello all.

Well, I have to say that I am honored to write the guest holiday blog. Christmas is just the type of holiday that stirs up strong feelings in all of us. (The people that matter anyway, you know who I'm talking about…and Mel Gibson does too.) After having gone through my annual rite of passage known as "Last Minute Panic Shopping", I feel that I am as qualified as most to talk about what this gift-giving season means to all of us.

Getting gifts is nice; this I think is a safe assumption. Giving gifts is also nice, and expecting sex in return does not in any way make you a pervert or a "John" as my mother calls them. Nobody wants to be known as that guy who doesn't get stuff for people at Christmas. Face it, if you have made it to this point in the holiday season and you haven't given a gift to anyone yet…get your ass to a Yankee goddamn candle store and load up there Goldstein cuz people are straight up hatin' you right now.

I don't profess to be the most expert one on the subject of Christmas, but I think I have lived through enough to know the ins and outs. I have made my share of mistakes. I can now control the urge to expose myself to Salvation Army bell-ringers…which is good. I also no longer tuck my genitalia and drape myself in red velvet while singing "Santa Baby" in front of my open picture window…another step in the right direction, I think.

So, in short, I hope we all keep Christmas in our hearts this year. Let us extend good will to all people, 'cept the Jews, and make merry this season. I would also like to extend my heartfelt apologies to the guy I stabbed for the Playstation 3 last Chiristmas Eve. In hindsight, a blunt instrument to the head would have been more keeping with the sentiment of the season. My bad.

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