As part of the plea bargain, this letter is to serve as a heartfelt apology to anyone who may have been offended by my conduct during one fateful day this past week.
There are several incidents that I would like to touch on in this letter, in no particular order. For those of you who were present or who have children who attend the Laughing Kangaroo Day-Care, I hope you understand that my actions on September 22nd were meant to be seen as entertaining and fun, not horrific and "an affront to God" as it has so been called.
First of all, my song about the paraplegic hooker was meant to be seen as a parable which dealt with the challenges we all face as human beings and, more specifically, as pimps of paraplegic hookers. I fully intended this to be a learning experience for the kids and, in hindsight, the choreography was poorly thought out and lacked reverence to the topic. It was also my understanding that children enjoyed sing-alongs and that asking them to "stay on the fucking beat" was appropriate encouragement.
I can say with a fair amount of certainty that consuming the quart of low-proof vodka was not a well-thought out approach to countering my own difficulties with public speaking. The resulting tirade against the government of Portugal and every non-english speaking country in general was almost certainly due to my excessive blood alcohol level coupled with my sheer hatred of foreign people. I would like to specifically apologize to the Kawolski family for confusing the Polish with the Portuguese. I hope that little Timothy's night-terrors begin to subside soon.
I can also say, with absolute certainty that had my senses not have been dulled with supermarket liquor; I would have presented a far different attitude towards the policemen who made an appearance near the end of my performance. In hindsight, "not going out without a fight" is never a rational option. I don't normally view gerbils as a defensive-weapon, but if you take a closer look at them you may realize that, along with a suitable heft and gripability, their soft exterior and ability to reproduce may make them a viable form of non-lethal retaliation. I do admit that, had I been closer to the ferret cage, things could have turned out far worse than they actually did.
In closing, I take full-responsibility for my actions and I hope for you all to absolve Judy Fullerman, event coordinator for the Laughing Kangaroo day-care, of any wrongdoing. When asked by Judy about the appropriateness of my act for young children, my response of "Yeah, sure" could have been misconstrued. I have also agreed with the court to change the name of my act to "Beeches, The Hugely Inappropriate Clown". Again, I am sorry for any hardship this may have caused.
Sincerely,
Jimmy H. W.
There are several incidents that I would like to touch on in this letter, in no particular order. For those of you who were present or who have children who attend the Laughing Kangaroo Day-Care, I hope you understand that my actions on September 22nd were meant to be seen as entertaining and fun, not horrific and "an affront to God" as it has so been called.
First of all, my song about the paraplegic hooker was meant to be seen as a parable which dealt with the challenges we all face as human beings and, more specifically, as pimps of paraplegic hookers. I fully intended this to be a learning experience for the kids and, in hindsight, the choreography was poorly thought out and lacked reverence to the topic. It was also my understanding that children enjoyed sing-alongs and that asking them to "stay on the fucking beat" was appropriate encouragement.
I can say with a fair amount of certainty that consuming the quart of low-proof vodka was not a well-thought out approach to countering my own difficulties with public speaking. The resulting tirade against the government of Portugal and every non-english speaking country in general was almost certainly due to my excessive blood alcohol level coupled with my sheer hatred of foreign people. I would like to specifically apologize to the Kawolski family for confusing the Polish with the Portuguese. I hope that little Timothy's night-terrors begin to subside soon.
I can also say, with absolute certainty that had my senses not have been dulled with supermarket liquor; I would have presented a far different attitude towards the policemen who made an appearance near the end of my performance. In hindsight, "not going out without a fight" is never a rational option. I don't normally view gerbils as a defensive-weapon, but if you take a closer look at them you may realize that, along with a suitable heft and gripability, their soft exterior and ability to reproduce may make them a viable form of non-lethal retaliation. I do admit that, had I been closer to the ferret cage, things could have turned out far worse than they actually did.
In closing, I take full-responsibility for my actions and I hope for you all to absolve Judy Fullerman, event coordinator for the Laughing Kangaroo day-care, of any wrongdoing. When asked by Judy about the appropriateness of my act for young children, my response of "Yeah, sure" could have been misconstrued. I have also agreed with the court to change the name of my act to "Beeches, The Hugely Inappropriate Clown". Again, I am sorry for any hardship this may have caused.
Sincerely,
Jimmy H. W.
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