A conversation with Jesus, who is physically present and doesn’t say anything but sits there with this judgmental look on his face

Oh, hey Jesus. I didn’t see you sitting there. I was just finishing up this article before I head off to a party. I doubt that I will be very late though. I have to work in the morning so…

What? Oh, I guess I should just stay home, huh? Because I will probably stay out way later than I plan and I will end up having someone drive me home and I won’t have my car for work in the morning. Yeah, I get it. Jesus, Jesus. Fine, I will just watch some TV.

Oh cool, that new Knight Rider is on. I know, I hear it is stupid. I used to love the original when I was a kid. Hey, at least it’s entertaining right? Yeah, I suppose…I suppose I could see what else is on. Or, you know what, I think I will just turn off the TV altogether and check my email instead.

Heh. I was just reading this think that my friend Terry sent me. He said that Lindsay Lohan…what? What? Fine! But it is really funny. Do you want to read it?

Seriously, Jesus, this attitude is starting to get me down. Maybe you should go for a walk or something. All you do is sit here and criticize. It has been really getting on my nerves and I've been thinking about how to talk to you about it. Maybe you could get a hobby? You know, other than judging people all of the time. That doesn't really count as a hobby! I mean, get out of the house for Chri…for your sake!

Hey, look man, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to go off like that. I have just been stressed out at work and I just wanted to unwind a little bit, you know. Tell you what, let’s order a pizza. It’ll be my treat, OK? I have been craving some pepperoni and sausage and…yeah, sure. You know what, vegetarian is good too…