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I'm Old and I Like Gum!

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes his own mortality. There also comes a time, almost in the same exact instance of the former, that a man has some sort of nonsensical nostalgia for a cherished item or brand from his childhood. This happened to me recently.

"Jim" I said to myself, because I know myself pretty well, I dispense with formalities."Jim" I say again…twice actually, "you are starting to get to the age where you not a young kid anymore".

"Hey everybody, look at the old senile guy talking to himself" I hear from across the street. I should go back inside.

At that same moment of realization it dawned on me; I needed some Fruit Stripe gum.

For the record, no one actually needs Fruit Stripe gum, unless you are racked with some serious affliction which requires that you consume a stick of chewing gum with a mean time flavor duration of three nanoseconds every two minutes until the entire pack is gone. It is the polar opposite of Extra gum. I think the tag line for Fruit Stripe should be:

"Fruit Stripe-Well, that wasn't very fucking long at all now, was it?"

I would submit that to the company for consideration, but I'm keeping it for myself in case I ever become a male prostitute
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