I am more of a man than I once was…
I admit that I was a testosterone filled monkey man before but now I have the wisdom of the ages to add to my repertoire. Why?
I have shopped at Crate & Barrel.
It's true. I know that some of you are jealous, others curious, still others…incontinent, but there is a certain glow that attaches itself to your aura the minute you walk into that store. If it isn't something to be bragged about, I don't know what is (and it is possible that I truly don't know what is.)
In all honesty, the only reason to go there, for me, is because it makes my wife so ridiculously happy. Home furnishings and storage solutions are her crack. Sometimes, to get her in the mood, I scatter copies of the latest Container Store flyers around like so much obvious porn.
Thanks to my wife's organizational fetish, I can convince her to purchase most things simply by making some correlation with storage. See this ridiculously priced writing desk? You can put a 3-hole punch in it! Bingo! I actually used that same device when we were looking for a puppy, though it took a great deal of effort, and considerable lubrication, to actually make the 3-hole punch fit when she demanded proof.
The lesson I learned is this…just because women are so caught up in planning and organization, something that we as men generally lack, doesn't mean it can't be used in our favor. Most guys are content to sit in their "man" chair (which is a ratty beast normally relegated to the basement or garage) moping about how they have no say in the décor of their home.
To that I say….poppycock! Wait…Poppycock? No…Bullshit! I say bullshit! (For a second there I forgot what I say…whew!) We have a hand to play, and it is a sneaky, covert hand mostly comprised of 1970's topless playing card Aces and the Draw Four card from a long discarded Uno deck. We just tend to forget how to play, or even that we are playing. I remember when I was trying to convince my wife to even go out on a second date! I managed to put away a 3-hole punch, tape dispenser and a desk-pad/calendar.
Though in all fairness, I did have to roll the calendar up.
I admit that I was a testosterone filled monkey man before but now I have the wisdom of the ages to add to my repertoire. Why?
I have shopped at Crate & Barrel.
It's true. I know that some of you are jealous, others curious, still others…incontinent, but there is a certain glow that attaches itself to your aura the minute you walk into that store. If it isn't something to be bragged about, I don't know what is (and it is possible that I truly don't know what is.)
In all honesty, the only reason to go there, for me, is because it makes my wife so ridiculously happy. Home furnishings and storage solutions are her crack. Sometimes, to get her in the mood, I scatter copies of the latest Container Store flyers around like so much obvious porn.
Thanks to my wife's organizational fetish, I can convince her to purchase most things simply by making some correlation with storage. See this ridiculously priced writing desk? You can put a 3-hole punch in it! Bingo! I actually used that same device when we were looking for a puppy, though it took a great deal of effort, and considerable lubrication, to actually make the 3-hole punch fit when she demanded proof.
The lesson I learned is this…just because women are so caught up in planning and organization, something that we as men generally lack, doesn't mean it can't be used in our favor. Most guys are content to sit in their "man" chair (which is a ratty beast normally relegated to the basement or garage) moping about how they have no say in the décor of their home.
To that I say….poppycock! Wait…Poppycock? No…Bullshit! I say bullshit! (For a second there I forgot what I say…whew!) We have a hand to play, and it is a sneaky, covert hand mostly comprised of 1970's topless playing card Aces and the Draw Four card from a long discarded Uno deck. We just tend to forget how to play, or even that we are playing. I remember when I was trying to convince my wife to even go out on a second date! I managed to put away a 3-hole punch, tape dispenser and a desk-pad/calendar.
Though in all fairness, I did have to roll the calendar up.
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