Haiku Laid Man - Oh Yeah!!

I always hate this
My butt itches very deeply
Bring me a long stick

At a funeral
I take a break from mourning
For shadow puppets

That’s a banana
The old lady won’t suspect
Hidden in the bread

“Wicked pisser, dude”
Said the drunk Canadian
Fucking Canada

It’s for potatoes
Yes, but the gravy is good
Straight from the funnel

Go get the car
We need to leave right away
That wasn’t a fart

Comments

Harping Holidays! (Guest Blog)

(Once again we are featuring a guest blogger. This time my accountant, George "The Finger" Pulowski would like to add his two cents on the holiday season. May your days be merry and your bells be jingled.) Hello all. Well, I have to say that I am honored to write the guest holiday blog. Christmas is just the type of holiday that stirs up strong feelings in all of us. (The people that matter anyway, you know who I'm talking about…and Mel Gibson does too.) After having gone through my annual rite of passage known as "Last Minute Panic Shopping", I feel that I am as qualified as most to talk about what this gift-giving season means to all of us. Getting gifts is nice; this I think is a safe assumption. Giving gifts is also nice, and expecting sex in return does not in any way make you a pervert or a "John" as my mother calls them. Nobody wants to be known as that guy who doesn't get stuff for people at Christmas. Face it, if you have made it to...

Open Letter of Apology

As part of the plea bargain, this letter is to serve as a heartfelt apology to anyone who may have been offended by my conduct during one fateful day this past week. There are several incidents that I would like to touch on in this letter, in no particular order. For those of you who were present or who have children who attend the Laughing Kangaroo Day-Care, I hope you understand that my actions on September 22nd were meant to be seen as entertaining and fun, not horrific and "an affront to God" as it has so been called. First of all, my song about the paraplegic hooker was meant to be seen as a parable which dealt with the challenges we all face as human beings and, more specifically, as pimps of paraplegic hookers. I fully intended this to be a learning experience for the kids and, in hindsight, the choreography was poorly thought out and lacked reverence to the topic. It was also my understanding that children enjoyed sing-alongs and that asking them to "stay on the ...

A conversation with Jesus, who is physically present and doesn’t say anything but sits there with this judgmental look on his face

Oh, hey Jesus. I didn’t see you sitting there. I was just finishing up this article before I head off to a party. I doubt that I will be very late though. I have to work in the morning so… What? Oh, I guess I should just stay home, huh? Because I will probably stay out way later than I plan and I will end up having someone drive me home and I won’t have my car for work in the morning. Yeah, I get it. Jesus, Jesus. Fine, I will just watch some TV. Oh cool, that new Knight Rider is on. I know, I hear it is stupid. I used to love the original when I was a kid. Hey, at least it’s entertaining right? Yeah, I suppose…I suppose I could see what else is on. Or, you know what, I think I will just turn off the TV altogether and check my email instead. Heh. I was just reading this think that my friend Terry sent me. He said that Lindsay Lohan…what? What? Fine! But it is really funny. Do you want to read it? Seriously, Jesus, this attitude is starting to get me down. Maybe you should go for a walk...

Dissociate Fugue

Search This Blog