Skip to main content

It would be unwise to exchange sex for the following:

3 Chiclets and a spool of red thread

Half a peanut-butter sandwich and a Halls cough drop

A deflated soccer ball and a dime found on the ground

A compilation DVD of Shirley Temple movies and half a Gatorade

Blueprints to a dog house and a Yorkshire terrier

A small bag of confetti and a really good gazpacho recipe

Funyuns

One incomplete jigsaw puzzle and two pieces of a Kit-Kat bar

A nearly empty toothpaste tube and a broken piñata

A tap dance from a hobo and three black checkers

A placemat from Denny's and four packets of Sweet N' Low

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

More Obvious Butt Jokes!

I am more of a man than I once was… I admit that I was a testosterone filled monkey man before but now I have the wisdom of the ages to add to my repertoire. Why? I have shopped at Crate & Barrel. It's true. I know that some of you are jealous, others curious, still others…incontinent, but there is a certain glow that attaches itself to your aura the minute you walk into that store. If it isn't something to be bragged about, I don't know what is (and it is possible that I truly don't know what is.) In all honesty, the only reason to go there, for me, is because it makes my wife so ridiculously happy. Home furnishings and storage solutions are her crack. Sometimes, to get her in the mood, I scatter copies of the latest Container Store flyers around like so much obvious porn. Thanks to my wife's organizational fetish, I can convince her to purchase most things simply by making some correlation with storage. See this ridiculously priced writing desk? You can...
Post a Comment
Read more

Thoughts about the car in front of me...and Glade

Seriously! Did you not see me coming? Jesus, there wasn’t even anyone behind me! Tell me you couldn’t have waited! Holy shit, what is that smell! Ugh. Is it my car? God, I hope not. Come on guy! Is this a parade? The little kids are looking at you because they expect you to throw out candy! Go faster! Seriously, what is that fucking smell? Not only do you have to cut me off and drive so slow you might go backwards at any second but your car smells like total ass! In fact, if I could hook up a hose from my nose to the crack of my ass I would right now. That would be Glade compared to this shit. Speaking of Glade, what is the deal with the lying woman in the new Glade advertisements? Is Glade not good enough? Why does she fucking buy Glade then? “Cheryl thanks for the soda. Is this Pepsi?” “Umm…no. It’s some very rare beverage from South Africa!” “Cheryl, I can see the bottle from here. It’s Pepsi” “Oh, that was from earlier. No, this is um…Africola.” “For Christ’s sake...
Post a Comment
Read more