Guest Blog by Phil “Cage Fighter” Whiley
(Since I have not been able to keep the strenuous pace of writing something every once in a while, I have passed off the blog duties to one of my casual acquaintances, at least until the penicillin does its job. It is kind of bittersweet, like the time you pimped out your sister to that Amish family. They sure can bake!)
I really gotta tell ya, it has been a while since I set a hobo on fire. I mean, with gas prices at what they are, it is almost cheaper to try to find one already doused in some flammable liquid. Nope, I’m a saving that up for a special occasion. Really, once you get them aflame, whatever they have been drowning their miserable little lives in keeps them burning for about an hour or two. Sometimes I’ll throw in a kitten, but just because I like the smell.
That’s not really what I wanted to write about here, but last weekend just got me thinking about it. I really wanted to talk about something that is near to my heart right now; parenting.
I don’t know about you, but the most often heard phrase in my house growing up was “I’ll give you something to cry about!” Sometimes it was an empty threat; other times I got my cheeks laid to waste with a size 34 belt from JCPenny’s. Therefore, when I had children of my own, I thought it was only fair that I got some payback.
My wife did not necessarily feel the same about this. Apparently, over the course of a couple of decades, society has changed their views on the subject of whomping the tar out of a young’un. So I figured I would come up with other ways to utilize the phrase “I’ll give you something to cry about”.
“I’ll give you something to cry about!…”
“I saw Fairy Princess Unicorn in the back yard…so I killed it!” (Brush glitter from your hands for emphasis)
“Grandma thinks your drawings are poorly rendered and lack perspective!”
“Your hamster died, so I bought a new hamster and covered him in your old hamster’s skin hahahaha!” (Brush glitter from your hands for emphasis)
Or you could just play her some country music, which always makes me cry…because it is so beautiful.
(Since I have not been able to keep the strenuous pace of writing something every once in a while, I have passed off the blog duties to one of my casual acquaintances, at least until the penicillin does its job. It is kind of bittersweet, like the time you pimped out your sister to that Amish family. They sure can bake!)
I really gotta tell ya, it has been a while since I set a hobo on fire. I mean, with gas prices at what they are, it is almost cheaper to try to find one already doused in some flammable liquid. Nope, I’m a saving that up for a special occasion. Really, once you get them aflame, whatever they have been drowning their miserable little lives in keeps them burning for about an hour or two. Sometimes I’ll throw in a kitten, but just because I like the smell.
That’s not really what I wanted to write about here, but last weekend just got me thinking about it. I really wanted to talk about something that is near to my heart right now; parenting.
I don’t know about you, but the most often heard phrase in my house growing up was “I’ll give you something to cry about!” Sometimes it was an empty threat; other times I got my cheeks laid to waste with a size 34 belt from JCPenny’s. Therefore, when I had children of my own, I thought it was only fair that I got some payback.
My wife did not necessarily feel the same about this. Apparently, over the course of a couple of decades, society has changed their views on the subject of whomping the tar out of a young’un. So I figured I would come up with other ways to utilize the phrase “I’ll give you something to cry about”.
“I’ll give you something to cry about!…”
“I saw Fairy Princess Unicorn in the back yard…so I killed it!” (Brush glitter from your hands for emphasis)
“Grandma thinks your drawings are poorly rendered and lack perspective!”
“Your hamster died, so I bought a new hamster and covered him in your old hamster’s skin hahahaha!” (Brush glitter from your hands for emphasis)
Or you could just play her some country music, which always makes me cry…because it is so beautiful.
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