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Rejected campaign statements

In celebration of the upcoming election, here are some statements that probably were nixed by prudent campaign managers early on.

Kiss your baby? I’ll kiss anything. Hell, I’ll kiss your dog…all over!

No, I do not fart. I have never farted. My opponent farts quite a bit I hear. Not that I hear when he…next question please.

I exist on a strict diet of veal and fetal pigs.

…now, in my time, cock fighting was not technically illegal.

When is Andy Gibb going to put out another album? That boy is talented!

I feel that my urge to kill would be a tremendous asset in leading this country to victory over every other country in the world.

I believe the children are our future. Teach them well and…uh…how did the rest of that crack head’s song go?

…and that is why I believe my opponent is a witch.
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