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Thoughts I have had recently

Sometimes, laughter is NOT the best medicine.
Especially during a rectal examination

When people say that something is as fun as a barrel of monkeys,
I would assume they mean LIVING monkeys. Although I think that those are more expensive. Maybe they should say “as expensive as a barrel of living monkeys”, unless you got them on a discount because only a few were dead, or they were diseased.

I think the most frightening phrase anyone can say is “I was thinking about you the other night”. Because…God knows what those freaks may have been doing. Like the time I was doing naked chin-ups on my fire escape and I started thinking about my high-school English teacher. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense.

The English language is so interesting. Like the way the same word can be used in different ways. People are fine when you talk about how the chicken is “smothered” in gravy or your mother “smothered” you with kisses…but not the way your ex-wife was “smothered” with a pillow. Crazy English language!

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